• Why I am not a homebirth advocate

    Date: 2011.04.12 | Category: Homebirth | Tags: ,

    Advocacy is a difficult subject. There is a very thin line between advocating for something you believe in, and meddling in other peoples’ personal choices. And when you are passionate about a subject that affects nearly everybody – like parenting, and childbirth – talking about your own experiences can easily be interpreted as criticism of others’ choices, or thinking your choices are right for everyone. Nobody likes to feel attacked for their choices, and many people will so blatantly disagree with mine that talking about them will mean I am the one under attack. Apparently, when we are discussing parenting, emotions are never far away.

    Welcome to the April Carnival of Natural Parenting: Compassionate Advocacy

    This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have shared how they advocate for healthy, gentle parenting choices compassionately. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

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    That is why, today, I am coming out. My name is Olivia, and I am not an alcoholic. Sorry – I mean, I am not a homebirth advocate. I chose to give birth to my first child at home with a midwife in attendance, and then chose unassisted homebirth for my second child. I did so because I decided those were the best and safest options for me and my babies, for those particular pregnancies and in my particular country of residence.

    Homebirth, and particularly unassisted homebirth, are controversial subjects. Around one percent of pregnant women plan to gave birth at home in the United States, and it’s even less common where we live. The vast majority chooses a hospital as the ideal setting for their births, because they see it as the safest option or because giving birth in a hospital is so culturally ingrained they never considered anything else.

    At times, I want to shout to the wide world about the wrongs of the maternity care system, and about the fact that there are alternatives. I want to share my reasons for choosing to bring my children into the world at home, and point out why hospital births may not be quite as safe as many people think. Most importantly, I want to share the joys of my peaceful and euphoric births, and the precious bonding time we had at home immediately afterward. But I don’t. More specifically, I refrain from sharing my opinions with people who are not looking for them. Why?

    Because I have no reason to think that people who made different choices about their children’s births are ignorant, did not think things through, or need to be convinced to change their minds. Just like I don’t want to listen to stories about how that baby would have died had he not been born in a hospital, and how homebirth is dangerous, I don’t want to force my stories on others either.

    Here is how I feel:

    • I would never tell anyone to have a homebirth
    • I would never claim that homebirth is the best option
    • Homebirth is not the right choice for every family, and every pregnancy
    • I strongly support hospital birth, and where quality medical care is available, it should be celebrated
    • Midwifery is something else I strongly support, something that is not in contradiction with the fact I did not opt to have a midwife attend my second child’s birth

    There is one thing that I do feel absolutely confident about advocating for in the context of childbirth, and that is choice. Choice in maternity care is, unfortunately, still limited. Those who want to have a natural birth in a hospital should be able to do so, and true informed consent is something that is extremely important. Women who give birth at home deserve well-trained midwives, and those who decide unassisted birth is the best choice for them deserve information.

    Nobody should have their child taken away for refusing to sign a consent form for a c-section before any medical need occurred, and even after delivering a healthy baby vaginally, as happened. Is it medical neglect to say no to something that is unnecessary, even after it did turn out to be unnecessary? Cases like these are shocking. Limiting individual choices, and therewith individual freedoms, should have no place in society.

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    Carnival of Natural Parenting -- Hobo Mama and Code Name: MamaVisit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

    Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

    • Natural Parenting Advocacy by Example — Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction uses her blog, Twitter and Facebook as her natural parenting soapbox.
    • You Catch More Flies With Honey — When it comes to natural parenting advice, Kate of The Guavalicious Life believes you catch more flies with honey.
    • From the Heart — Patti at Jazzy Mama searches her heart for an appropriate response when she learns that someone she respects wants his baby to cry-it-out.
    • I Offer the Truth — Amy at Innate Wholeness shares the hard truths to inspire parents in making changes and fully appreciating the parenting experience.
    • Advocating or Just Opinionated? — Momma Jorje discusses how to draw the line between advocating compassionately and being just plain opinionated. It can be quite a fine line.
    • Compassionate Advocacy — Mamapoekie of Authentic Parenting writes about how to discuss topics you are passionate about with people who don’t share your views.
    • Heiny Helpers: Sharing Cloth Love — Heiny Helpers is guest posting on Natural Parents Network to share how they are providing cloth diapers and cloth diapering support to low income families.
    • Struggling with Advocacy — April of McApril still struggles to determine how strongly she should advocate for her causes, but still loves to show her love for her parenting choices to those who would like to listen.
    • Compassionate Advocacy Through Blogging (AKA –Why I Blog) — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama shares how both blogging and day-to-day life give her opportunities to compassionately advocate for natural parenting practices.
    • A Letter to *Those* Parents — Zoie at TouchstoneZ shares how to write an informed yet respectful reply to those parents — you know, the ones who don’t parent the way you do.
    • Why I Am Not A Homebirth Advocate — Olivia at Write About Birth is coming out: she is a homebirth mom, but not a homebirth advocate. One size does not fit all – but choice is something we can all advocate for!
    • Why I Open My Big Mouth — Wolfmother from Fabulous Mama Chronicles reflects on why she is passionate about sharing parenting resources.
    • Watching and Wearing — Laura at Our Messy Messy Life advocates the joys of babywearing simply by living life in a small college town.
    • Compassionate Advocacy . . . That’s The Way I Do It — Amyables at Toddler in Tow describes how she’s learned to forsake judgment and channel her social energy to spread the “good news” of natural parenting through interaction and shared experiences.
    • Compelling without repelling — Lauren at Hobo Mama cringes when she thinks of the obnoxious way she used to berate people into seeing her point of view.
    • I Am the Change — Amanda at Let’s Take the Metro describes a recent awakening where she realized exactly how to advocate for natural parenting.
    • Public Displays of Compassion — The Accidental Natural Mama recounts an emotional trip to the grocery store and the importance of staying calm and compassionate in the storm of toddler emotions.
    • I will not hide behind my persona — Suzi Leigh at Attached at the Boob discusses the benefits of being honest and compassionate on the internet.
    • Choosing My Words — Jenny at Chronicles of a Nursing Mom shares why she started her blog and why she continues to blog despite an increasingly hectic schedule.
    • Honour the Child :: Compassionate Advocacy in the Classroom — Lori at Beneath the Rowan Tree shares her experience of being a gentle and compassionate parent — with other people’s children — as a classroom volunteer in her daughter’s senior kindergarten room.
    • Inspired by the Great Divide (and Hoping to Inspire) — Rosemary at Rosmarinus Officinalis shares her thoughts on navigating the “great divide” through gently teaching and being teachable.
    • Introverted Advocacy — CatholicMommy at Working to be Worthy shares how she advocates for gentle parenting, even though she is about as introverted as one can be.
    • The Three R’s of Effective and Gentle Advocacy — Ana at Pandamoly explains how “The Three R’s” can yield consistent results and endless inspiration to those in need of some change.
    • Passionate and Compassionate: How do We do It? — Kelly at Becoming Crunchy shares the importance of understanding your motivation for advocacy.
    • Sharing the love — Isil at Smiling Like Sunshine talks about how she shares the love and spreads the word.
    • What Frank Said — Nada at miniMOMist has a good friend named Frank. She uses his famous saying to demonstrate how much natural parenting has benefited her and her family.