Preparing older children to attend the homebirth of a new sibling

Date: 2010.09.22 | Category: Homebirth | Tags: Homebirth,older siblings at homebirth,unassisted homebirth

Are you planning a homebirth and already have older children? The question of whether they will be present at the birth is bound to come up. Deciding who you want at your birth is a personal decision, of course, and some children don’t even want to witness the birth of their new sibling. What preparations can families who have agreed that older children will be present at the homebirth of their baby brother or sister make?

Older children attending the birth of a sibling can be an extremely positive experience for all those involved, but everyone will benefit from some advance planning. My daughter was present at the unassisted homebirth of my son, and it was, above all, a very natural situation for us. (You can read my son’s unassisted homebirth story here) These are some tips that can help you prepare your older kids for your homebirth.

1) Talk about the physiology of labor and birth with your child or children. Talk about your birth experience when they were born, about how long it lasted, what you did in labor, and what laboring women generally behave like in labor. If you tend to vocalize a lot while you are having contractions, talk about that, too. Of course, what you will discuss and how depends on the ages of your children.

2) Are you having a midwife-attended homebirth, or an unassisted homebirth? In either case, watching some birth videos on YouTube can do a lot to educate your children about what a birth could actually look like. Watching videos can also give them the opportunity to ask questions.

3) Who is going to take care of your children while you are in labor? You might want to consider having a support person there, especially if your children are really young. You don’t want to have to help a child go potty while you are in transition, or have to cook them a meal while your new baby is crowning. Right, those were jokes. But not entirely.

4) Have a get-out clause. What if your children decide that they really don’t want to be present while you labor and birth suddenly? Or what if you don’t want anyone around yourself? Having a get-out clause in place is a good idea, just in case. If your children are older, it might be something as simple as them going into another room, or going over to a friend’s house. For toddlers, having a friend or relative come to get them is a good option. You will also need someone in case you transfer to hospital for any reason.

5) Don’t promise your kids they will definitely be at your birth. Birth is unpredictable. It could happen while they are asleep, or out on a playdate. Do ask if your kids want to be woken up if you are in labor during the night.

6) Be flexible, and go with the flow.

Have you had a homebirth where any of your older children were present? How did you prepare? What, if anything, would you have done differently?