Zuo Lei, the purser of the flight, told the press: ”I was frightened when the baby’s head came out but the body was still stuck. … I asked myself to calm down and firmly held the woman’s hand and tried hard to recall what I had learned from emergency training.”

Later on, she says that she shouted “one, two, three, breathe in,” and “one, two, three, breathe out”, as a handbook they had instructed the flight attendants to do. Isn’t it a little puzzling that these flight attendants — who must definitely have been frightened and were trying to help in this unusual situation — were “credited” with delivering the baby? After all, what did they do? The woman quoted held the laboring mother’s hand because she needed to calm down?

It is a shame that laboring women are portrayed as helpless creatures with no active involvement in their labors and births. It is a shame that society thinks that just about anyone is more qualified to “deliver a baby” than the laboring mother herself, including flight attendants, cab drivers, firefighters, neighbors, and random passers-by. Stories like these, which crop up every so often, do their fair share to perpetuate that myth.

1. Eat it

Plenty of women eat their placenta these days. The thought of it may be a bit gross, but there are theories that eating your placenta will make you feel better, give you a boost of nutrients, and perhaps prevent or halt postpartum hemorrhage. I’ve personally done it, and while I am not convinced that eating the placenta has any true benefits, it was certainly an interesting experiment (especially for a vegetarian).

2. Bury it

Some families bury a baby’s placenta and plant a tree at the site, to honor the baby’s birth.

3 . Make placenta art

No kidding – pressing the placenta onto a large sheet of paper results in interesting “art”. If you don’t believe me, just look at the picture above. If you are having a baby, you can make “tree of life” type prints all of your own. They’ll make original material to hang up in your baby room. Or next to your coffee table, perhaps.

4. Encapsulate your placenta

OK, this is a variation on eating the placenta, but perhaps one that is a little more palatable. Placenta capsules are said to help women be more energetic following birth, and to keep postpartum depression at bay. Some women even keep them for years to help alleviate menopause symptoms when they get to that stage.

5. Make your skin beautiful

What do you put on your facial skin? Unless you make your own creams, your own placenta won’t be part of your cosmetics. But you may be beautifying yourself with the placenta of another female, human or other mammal. This says it all: Placenta cosmetics.

6. Knit a placenta

Really. Here you are, for your enjoyment: knitted placenta.

7. Offer it to research 

If you give birth at a hospital, you can donate your placenta for research. Or to end up in cosmetics, perhaps.

Unassisted childbirth is simply a personal decision, that most women who make it come to only after considering it for a long time. There are many reasons to decide to have a UC, and it’s fair to say that most of those who actually end up birthing alone have more than one compelling (to them) driving factor behind their choice. Among the reasons to choose unassisted homebirth are:

• Not being able to find a homebirth midwife (that the woman is comfortable with).
• Having a traumatic hospital experience.
• Seeing birth as a natural, normal and healthy event that does not require medical assistance.
• Being a private person, who functions better when not feeling watched.
• For financial reasons.
• For religious or spiritual reasons.
• For practical reasons, like living far away from a hospital.

While homebirth was a choice I specifically made for reasons of medical integrity and safety (I’ve written about the state of our second-world, post-communist maternity system many times before), it was certainly a peaceful, simple, family event. When my son was born, he was surrounded by his family. The moment he entered this world, we were at home and together – without any outside interference, and without any drama.

He looked into my eyes peacefully, and his big sister got to welcome him immediately. My son’s peaceful and gentle birth did lay the foundation for a peaceful and gentle relationship between the two of us. More than after my daughter’s midwife-assisted homebirth I felt confident as a mother, and did not have the need to look outside for advice on how to parent. We simply were, and laboring and birthing alone was how that started.

Some people suggest that the way we give birth determines how we parent. Some even suggest that the way we were born ourselves determines what kind of person we become. A friend of mine, who gave birth by cesarean section, attended a meditation class to “help those born by c-section heal”. The alternative psychologist who led the class brought parents who gave birth by c-section and people who were themselves brought into the world by cesarean together, and led a rebirth session to heal the wounds of both.

If that sounds silly to you, you are not alone. If it sounds somewhat unethical to you, you are not alone either. I don’t believe that those delivered by c-section are born emotionally scarred. I don’t believe a toddler’s tantrum-throwing can be “blamed” on the c-section his mother had, or that c-section mothers automatically have trouble attaching to their children. Sure, traumatic births followed by a long NICU stay can impact both mother and baby. But… how important is the moment of birth and the circumstances we were in at that time, really?

Nearly three years after my son’s unassisted birth, I almost never think about the day he was more anymore. Today, I am a busy working and homeschooling parent who is grateful to be the mother of my two children… and birth doesn’t deserve a second thought. That explains why I have taken a long pause from writing on this blog.

Birth matters.

The way in which we will give birth immensely matters when we are pregnant and need to make the best possible decision on how to bring our baby into the world. The care we receive and the decisions we make, or that are sometimes made on our behalf, matters to women who are in labor and giving birth. Birth matters, too, in those first months of a baby’s life.

A baby’s and a mother’s physical and emotional safety during birth can impact us positively or negatively, depending on the circumstances. A traumatic birth can send us off into postpartum depression, and a peaceful, healthy birth can help us be a good parent.

But does the way in which we give birth determine how we parent? I don’t think so, not in the long term.

During labor

• A birth ball or birth stool if you think you may want them.
• A birth pool if you are planning on having a water birth.
• Lots of water to stay well-hydrated. You may also like coconut water or electrolyte drinks.
• Snacks if you want them.
• Towels for when your water breaks.
• A toilet! The best place to labor for many women.
• A telephone to call anyone you may wish or need to contact, including a friend to pick up older children, or 911 if required.
• A fetoscope or doppler to listen to the baby’s heartbeat. Also pay attention to fetal movement during labor.
• Distraction if you want it – a book, television, computer, or a bunch of friends and board games.

Is labor really that painful? And if it is, as some women have certainly experienced, why are women portrayed as not being able to cope with the pain? It is, I believe, because of the fact that women are seen as weak and incompetent. Childbirth, one of the few acts that are truly unique to women, is marketed as something that that women cannot handle alone – as something that requires medical professionals, and most often men, to save the day.

Although painless or nearly painless childbirth is indeed possible, here I am not addressing the issue of pain itself. Instead, I am talking about the notion that pain is not something women – because of their perceived weak nature – can cope with very well. Likewise, the belief that women in the throws of labor all but lose their minds is misogynist in nature.

Childbirth may be painful for many women, and many may even turn into themselves to concentrate on the task at hand. Women are more than strong enough to deal with labor and birth, however, and even if large numbers will opt for pain relief, that does not mean they are too weak to deal with a little pain, that lasts for a relatively short time.

It’s funny; women dealing with tough pregnancy symptoms are often told to “suck it up” because it’s normal, and even women who are so sick they can barely function due to hyperemesis gravidarum are told they are whining. Childbirth is different, for some reason.

Let me tell you, women in labor don’t suddenly lose their intelligence or their ability to act, and women generally handle pain in a much more “manly” way than men. Childbirth is not something that requires men to save helpless, incompetent, desperate women. We can do it!

1. Question bureaucracy. Living in a country where the senselessness of government and institutional bureaucracy is beautifully demonstrated, it has become painfully obvious that red tape does nothing but show that citizens must respect authority for the sake of it, and that they must jump through numerous crazy hoops if they want to get anything specific done. How much bureaucracy do you really need in your life? Is it possible to simply opt out?

2. Question hospital births. Since Write About Birth is mainly about, well, birth, I have to mention this. What purpose do procedures in hospitals serve? Is giving birth in a hospital in the best interest of every mother and every baby?

3. Question parenting philosophies. Whatever society we happen to be part of, it certainly has its own set of ingrained parenting philosophies that are rarely questioned. Being aware of them, and questioning whether they serve your family’s purpose, can create a whole different way of parenting. I choose to discard most of the commonly accepted notions about how to parent, and look instead at my children for directions on how to parent.

4. Question the role of women. Again, this relates directly to my living in a deeply patriarchal society. You know what? Women can! Women can do everything that men can, and even more. We can fix stuff in our house, we can carry heavy bags, we can participate in political life, we can participate in wars as soldiers, and we can give birth – even without medical assistance. We are not the weaker sex. We are quite the opposite.

5. Question the need for politeness. Sometimes, we get too caught up in the need to be polite to other people, even when they are total strangers, that we forget about protecting ourselves and our kids. Honoring our intuition and placing the importance of our own safety over the need to be polite is often difficult. It keeps us safe though! I say, get away from situations and people that creep us out, and say no to the “authority of society”, which tells us to be nice to others above all else. This is doubly true for women.

For those readers who are interested in reading how our family does homeschool, here is the link to my new blog: Home is where the school is. The blog will be about day-to-day experiences as well as philosophy, curriculum, and the bigger learning process. I might also add some more personal stuff like energizing breakfast recipes and the like.

I hope you’ll enjoy it!

What do do…

• Ask before doing anything that you think may comfort your friend. A foot massage, for instance, or a back rub, may be great for some women with contractions, but others like to keep other people far away from their body. Don’t assume that the laboring woman wants to be touched, and ask first.
• Offer the laboring woman water or another hydrating drink, to avoid dehydration.
• Offer distraction to keep the woman’s mind off contractions, especially during early labor. You don’t need to be a clown; being your usual self and talking about mundane things will do fine.
• Help your partner or friend get into more comfortable positions if she asks you.
• Fix her a snack if she is hungry.
• Provide buckets if she feels like vomiting.
• Advocate for her as needed and as discussed in advance if she is going through labor and birth at a hospital, birth center, or at home with a midwife.
• Get supplies ready as birth draws near, particularly if you are a support person during an unassisted birth.

And what to avoid!

• Don’t treat women in labor as if they have lost their mind. They haven’t.
• I’ll say it again; don’t touch without asking.
• Don’t make a big fuss after the baby is born; let the woman have those first special moments with her baby in peace. Of course, this applies to partners less, but relatives and friends should definitely keep a low profile.

Where are you from? Is it the place you were born, even if you don’t live there anymore, or have lived there for very long at all? Is it the place you spent most time in? Is it where your parents were from, genetically speaking? How about if they are from different places? Is it the country whose citizenship you hold? And what if you have dual citizenship? Or is it, perhaps, your current place of residence?

I have done my fair share of moving across the world, and I am multi-cultural as well. Where am I from? Where are my children, who were born here where we live and spent their whole lives, from? When people ask that dreaded question, just what do they want to hear?

I used to give some kind of answer to this question, when the kids were smaller. I might have replied with the name of any of the countries I lived in and identify with to some point, totally at random. Or I may have made up something completely different. Now that the kids are older and can understand everything, including being discriminated against because of their background, I rarely answer any more.

I try giving the name of the city we live in, because we have been there for a long time now – longer than in many other places I lived. People laugh at me. But well, I am from this city as much as I am from any other place I could refer to; the country I was born in, the countries my parents came from, and those I lived in and worked in. Why can’t I claim the city I live in, the city my kids were born in and lived all their lives in, as the place “I am from”?

Alternatively, when people ask The Question, I just say we are human, from Earth. Then they follow up with, “Yes, but what country?” The answer is that I don’t know. And when my daughter asks why people keep on asking where we come from, I don’t know that either. Just why do people want a specific answer to this question? Is “where you come from” so important? Don’t people understand that when I don’t answer them, it is not because I am ashamed of my heritage, but because I moved around so much that I just don’t know?

Where are you from? How do you determine that? And – is it important?